TOPEKA, KS - Local man Daryl Hindenberg raised eyebrows in town on Monday when he was spotted wearing nail polish. Onlookers were reportedly unable to determine if he was trans or the father of young girls.
"He looked completely normal," said Gill Wolthorpe, a local entrepreneur. "So my feeling is he probably had a daughter. On the other hand, maybe he just started transitioning. I mean 'she' just started transitioning... from she to a deeper she. Is that right? Please don't cancel me."
Others also made it their business to discern everything about the man at a glance. Hindenberg, who was wearing a different color of nail polish on each finger and some temporary unicorn tattoos, was eyed suspiciously wherever he went.
"Maybe he's a man, but his hands identify as female," said gender activist Pat Blair. "He's breaking barriers by designating different body parts as different genders. So brave."
According to sources, Hindenberg went about his daily routine mostly oblivious of the questioning strangers until he finally noticed a bank teller staring at his hands.
"I have two daughters. They're five and nine," he explained to the banker. "I am not trans!"
At publishing time, Daryl Hindenberg was again spotted with glitter in his hair, prompting people to assume he was either gay or the father of young girls. But probably gay.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
