BLOOMINGTON, MN — After a quick trip to the mall, a local man found himself becoming an unwilling participant in at least 17 TikTok videos.
"I just needed some pants. What on earth is everyone doing?" said 32-year-old Raul Barnes, remarking at the hundreds of GenZ influencers walking around with cell phones and cameras while dancing and pointing at invisible things in the air. "I didn't realize people don't go to malls to shop for things anymore. They just go there to record things for their TikTok channels! What's with these young whipper-snappers, anyway?!" Barnes then found a bench to sit down and rest on, as he was exhausted from walking in a mall while being 32 years old.
Sources say that Barnes has already been featured on @mewmewplaty3555's dance channel, @tiggun56blatt's fight channel, and @davidbuggggg986's reaction channel in which he reacts to videos of other reactors reacting to other reactors.
"I didn't consent to any of this. Is there some sort of police or security I can call to clear these kids out of here? This is an outrage!" Barnes then adjusted his reading glasses to help him read a notification on his phone telling him he had been seen in another 3 dozen videos.
At publishing time, Barnes had gone home to watch all the TikTok videos duplicated on Facebook Reels as God intended.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.