TORRANCE, CA — Jeremy Fales, a local marketer for a Fortune 500 company, reportedly had an epiphany on Thursday when he traced his lifelong cocaine addiction back to his childhood love of Fun Dip.
"Fun Dip was a gateway to cocaine, I see that now," Fales said as he snorted a line of coke off a magazine cover. "Curse that delicious powder!"
According to sources, Fales made the connection when he bumped into a kid leaving a local 7-Eleven, causing them to drop their belongings. When Fales bent over to help him pick up his things, he discovered he had also dropped a bag of cocaine next to the child's Fun Dip.
"It all clicked then," he later recounted. "The appealing powder, the craving for something stronger than a sugar high. Fun Dip ruined my life."
He continued, " I thought the sudden revelation would help me unravel my addiction to cocaine, but now I just mix blow with Fun Dip. It's wild."
At publishing time, the police department's D.A.R.E. program announced that it would begin warning children at schools about the dangers of Fun Dip.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
