NEW YORK, NY — Local pipe fitting outside salesman Jason Quintana emailed his coworker Carl today to see if he'd been able to work up the most recent quarterly sales report for the big Etherton Pipeline account. But a few hours went by, and Quintana began to worry that Carl doesn't check his email as frequently as he might be active on the company Slack. So, Quintana Slacked him: "Hey, Carl, check your email when you get a sec. Thanks!" But when Quintana saw that the account manager had logged on, as indicated by the little green bubble by his name, and then logged back off without responding, he decided to "pull out the big guns" and send him a text message. "Hey Carl - did u get my slack? Lemme know. Thx" Quintana texted him. At publishing time, Quintana had hired a skywriter to fly over Carl's house with a message politely asking him to look for the carrier pigeon he'd sent asking him if he'd gotten the smoke signals telling him to respond to the barber shop quartet-gram telling him to check his text messages pointing him to the Slack message about the email.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
