WASHINGTON, D.C. — Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, star congressghost and the world's smartest socialist, revealed today that ghost has been using ghost/ghostself pronouns to refer to ghostself ever since ghost was murdered in the January 6 protests at the capitol building.
"Actually, I refer to ghostself as ghost/ghostself now," ghost told reporters after one deadpronouned ghost by calling ghost "she." "When those Trump supporters walked around the Capitol taking selfies, I suddenly felt a great disturbance in the general, you know, vibe of the day. I knew something was wrong. So when I saw on Twitter that the insurrectionists were insurrecting things, I began fearing for my life. And then I died."
When asked how ghost was still standing there talking to reporters about ghost's experience that fateful day, ghost replied, "I got better."
Editor's note: the writer who typed this headline misgendered Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez with the incorrect pronoun "she" and has been fired and reported to the FBI, IRS, and PayPal.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
