HAZELWOOD, TN — Many Americans are growing worried over the looming financial crisis as banks continue to close down due to lack of funds, a dilemma that kicked off over the weekend with a run on Silicon Valley Bank.
But one guy is still cool as a cucumber: Carlos Renaldo, Jr., who lives near Nashville. What's Renaldo's strategy to keeping calm during this crisis that could have a ripple effect, destroying the savings of millions? He doesn't have any money in the first place.
"Yeah, it's kind of a great way of not worrying too much about what's going on in the economy," Renaldo said as he glanced at his phone, which had just dinged to notify him of another bank failure. "Oh, there goes another one. Nope, doesn't affect me at all."
Renaldo says his carefully thought-out strategy is to "just never have any money in the bank, checking accounts, savings accounts, investments, or anywhere else," so that he doesn't ever have to worry about banks failing and losing hundreds of thousands of dollars of his money.
"It's pretty much foolproof," he said. "See?" He held up his phone. "I've got a -$7.64 balance. I was in the black yesterday, so I quickly ran over to Jack in the Box this morning to grab a few tacos. Now I've overdrafted again. That was a close one."
At publishing time, Renaldo had received his latest paycheck and spent the entire thing on bills, keeping his master plan going for the time being.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: