TUSCALOOSA, AL—According to anonymous sources, local Christian man Carlisle Codgerpile believes he has found a way to trick God into thinking he's doing his daily devotions or following the sermon on his phone's Bible app and not just scrolling through Twitter.
The man in question was doing his devotions on his smartphone last week when he got sidetracked by 13,827 notifications. After suddenly realizing that scrolling through Twitter looks remarkably similar to scrolling through a Bible app, Codgerpile sneakily moved his screen to an angle where God wouldn't be able to see what he was doing and switched to the Twitter app.
After Mrs. Codgerpile came into the room and told Carlisle to get off Twitter, he replied indignantly, "Excuse me! I am doing my devotions, honey. How dare you!"
"No, you're not. You just made that smug look you always make when you're about to own someone with facts and logic on Twitter." she replied.
Carlisle looked back indignantly, mouth agape. "I AM reading the Bible! I just got finished reading Romans 17!"
"Sweetie, there are only 16 chapters in Romans."
After getting busted by his wife, Codgerpile confessed his deceit and vowed to use his Bible app even longer the next day in order to make up for it.