SOMERSET, PA—Multiple sources are confirming that local man Joshua Dennis has become a CrossFitter and refrained from informing anyone.
A growing number of neighbors, coworkers, and friends are confirming the startling report.
It all began when Sean Dove, 29, spotted his friend Dennis exiting a local CrossFit box (what the uninitiated call a “gym”) early Saturday morning. “When I saw him I was confused. I thought, ‘I didn’t know Josh does CrossFit,’” Dove explained to reporters. “I double-checked his Facebook wall, but couldn’t find any indication that he’s better than everyone else.”
“I knew Josh was waking up earlier to exercise, but I somehow had no idea he was a real live CrossFitter,” Dennis’s roommate said. “Will CrossFit even let you join without swearing to alert other sentient life? If so, that’s news to me.”
“It’s just surprising to me that he doesn’t drone on and on about it all the time like most of them do,” he added. “I guess it could be just because he’s too busy always talking about his libertarian beliefs.”