GREEN BAY, WI — Psychologists and sex experts are flocking to Wisconsin to study a local man who claims to have a bizarre fetish for settling down with one woman in a committed, loving relationship in the bonds of marriage forever and ever.
"Yeah, I don't know man, I just really love being married to my beautiful wife and I think I'll stay that way," said the disgusting weirdo.
Already scientists are speculating as to what could cause such behavior in an adult human male.
"I've seen some really sick stuff in my day, but this might take the cake," said Dr. Xindrie Bruzkink, a behavioral therapist from USC. "We need to find out what on earth drives this fringe marriage kink. One sex partner? Of the opposite sex? FOREVER? We can't let this become normalized."
Sources also confirmed the man and his wife share a breeding fetish, planning to have more than the doctor-recommended 2 kids, as well as a fetus fetish since they don't plan to abort any of them.
At publishing time, several scientists studying the couple confirmed they also had a happiness fetish.
Should you get your kid the new iPhone 14? Of course.