SANTA ROSA, CA—In a 4,000 word blog post published in the early morning hours after his first viewing of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, local grown man Kyle Marion reportedly complained about plot holes in the film about space wizards fighting with colored laser sticks, reports confirmed Monday.
“How did the bombs drop out of the bomber doors and fall toward the Dreadnaught if there’s no gravity in space? It just doesn’t make any sense,” Marion wrote of the film that featured good and evil space magicians fighting with their minds. “If Disney thinks they can get away with this kind of stuff, they’ve got another thing coming.”
Marion further wrote that the filmmakers had made a “grievous scientific error” in having a Resistance cruiser jump to lightspeed right through a First Order capital ship, claiming that the plot point just isn’t consistent with the film franchise that heavily features space bears and talking robots.
“Really? We, the fans, have shown time and again we won’t stand for this kind of nonsense,” Marion wrote, though his favorite film in the franchise features a green muppet lifting a flying space machine out of a swamp with his mind.
“If this keeps up, there’s a very good chance I won’t even bother seeing Episode XII,” his blog post finished, according to sources at publishing time.
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