WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man arrested outside the Capital Jewish Museum in the downtown area reportedly sought to clarify that he was under the impression that the slogan "Free Palestine" really just means that Palestinians should be "free" to kill all the Jews.
Chicago resident Elias Rodriguez allegedly flew to D.C. for the express purpose of murdering Jews, but was happy to take a minute or two following his arrest to explain the meaning of the popular slogan used by activists worldwide.
"That's what the 'free' in 'Free Palestine' means," he said, elaborating on his alleged murder of two Israeli embassy staff members. "Why don't you want Palestinians to kill Jews? Are you a bigot?"
Supporters of a "free" Palestine corroborated the shooter's claim, expressing confusion that people did not realize that's what they meant the whole time. "This is not complicated," Congresswoman Ilhan Omar said. "This is one of the 'inalienable rights' Thomas Jefferson was talking about in the Declaration of Independence: the right of Palestinians and their supporters to kill Jews."
Congressional Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reportedly differed from her congressional colleague. "Look, I don't think people should want to kill Jews," she said. "But they should be free to do so if they want to. This is democracy."
At publishing time, a bigoted judge had denied bail to Rodriguez, suggesting he — and the entire judicial system — may be under the control of the Jews.
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