Making It Worse: Buttigieg Just Crashed A Train Into A Cargo Ship

LOS ANGELES, CA—America is facing numerous supply chain problems, and they’re only getting worse. Throughout this crisis, Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg has been on vacation, making up some story about having a baby while he’s actually been going to Six Flags every day for two months. Maybe that was for the best, though, because as soon as he was back on the job, he only made things worse by immediately crashing a train into a cargo ship.

“Oh, golly gosh. Oh gee,” Buttigieg muttered as he got out of the train, which was lodged firmly in the side of a cargo ship, causing even more delays in getting necessary goods to Americans.

“Buttigieg!” screamed the head of the Port of Los Angeles—a common exclamation often used when Buttigieg has tried to help with supply chain issues.

It’s unclear how Buttigieg crashed a train into a cargo ship, as one goes in the water and the other is on land on a fixed track. But Buttigieg’s tenure as Secretary of Transportation has been known for his hilarious hijinks with devastating economic consequences.

Buttigieg later tried to help by driving a truck loaded with livestock for a farm, but he immediately flipped it, and now no truck can get through because the road is filled with poultry running around. “Oh, gosh! Oh, gee!” Buttigieg exclaimed while he ran around trying to grab chickens.

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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