WASHINGTON, DC — The world's top climate change scientists were shocked by the recent discovery that the leading cause of global warming is actually an enormous, ongoing dumpster fire located at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
"For decades, we just assumed that methane-producing animals, deforestation, and the burning of fossil fuels were combining to cause the warming of our planet," said Dr. Curt Schampers, Chief Climate Scientist at the Greta Thunberg Institute in Stockholm. "Surprisingly, the greatest cause of global temperature increase in the world is really the raging inferno in a dumpster at the White House. A ‘dumpster fire,' as they say."
The situation has only grown more urgent over the last two years as the Biden administration has been hard at work burning the country to the ground. "We initially thought setting multiple major cities on fire during the summer of 2020 would be sufficient, but we soon discovered we could really get the flames roaring if we progressed to burning the American flag and the Constitution itself," said White House spokesperson Rachel Quezada. "As an added benefit, this gigantic dumpster fire we've built will only serve to help our case for more environmental regulation and green energy scams, er, I mean ‘solutions.'"
At publishing time, the scientific community was torn between trying to find a way to lessen the negative impact the Biden administration's dumpster fire was having on the earth's climate and simply roasting some marshmallows and playing the fiddle Nero-style as the world continues to burn around them.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.