CHARLESTON, SC — Congregants at Mother Emanuel AME Church repeatedly decried what they called the "MAGA cult" while simultaneously chanting in unison that President Joe Biden was their once and future god-king.
"MAGA Republicans are a mindless cult," a hundred voices cried out. "MAGA IS A CULT! MAGA IS A CULT! MAGA IS A CULT! ALL HAIL BIDEN!"
President Biden had reportedly been invited to speak at the church in order to give the Mother Emanuel AME Church a break from pretending to worship Jesus. "As the scripture says, accumulate for yourselves teachers in accordance with your own desires," said Pastor Johnson. "Biden hates MAGA. We hate MAGA. It's a good fit."
"THE VOICE OF A GOD AND NOT OF A MAN!" the collective chanted after Biden warned them of the Trump threat to democracy.
At publishing time, a cult intervention group reached out to the members of Mother Emanuel AME Church to provide assistance for anyone looking to leave the church.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
