Local Worship Team Perplexed By Strange Symbols On Music Sheet

SEATTLE, WA—According to sources within The Lighthouse Fellowship, worship leader Hurley Hudson carried out his weekly routine of printing chord sheets for him and his eight-piece worship band Saturday night—only this time, Hudson checked the wrong box on CCLI’s SongSelect web application, which caused the site to print out a strange collection of lines, ovals, circles, and numbers along with the usual lyrics to the Coldplay song they were set to feature during their worship service.

As nobody caught the error until Sunday morning, the band arrived with no idea that anything was amiss until they began their 9:15 a.m. soundcheck and run-through.

“Hey, what are all these wack lines? Is this some kind of computer code?” bassist Brian Pine shouted from his usual elevated platform adjacent to the giant neon JESUS sign as he looked over the music sheets and warmed up with a Red Hot Chili Peppers riff. “Looks like the Matrix or something.”

Furrowing his finely manicured brow, Hudson put down his Teavana wellness tea, jogged over to his music stand, and confirmed Pine’s findings. “Yeah, uh… there’s no music chords on here, just a bunch of crazy marks and dashes. I guess something went wrong with the website.”

“Maybe you accidentally printed it in Russian or one of those weird languages?” percussionist “Big” Pete chimed in.

While it looked like the morning’s performance was going to be a train wreck, Hudson was able to quickly call an audible by just telling the band to play the same four chords in different tempos for each song.

“Come on, people, you know the drill: G, D, E-minor, C. Keep it snappy, Big Pete. Let’s do this,” Hudson said as the house lights dimmed and the show began.

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