Local Woman Using Complex NASA Algorithm To Remember Everything She's Boycotting
Lifestyle · Jul 19, 2016 · BabylonBee.com

SEAL BEACH, CA - Local woman Heather Tipton is bravely boycotting over 450 different stores, restaurants, and retail chains for various reasons. But such noble activism comes at a price: the courageous virtue-warrior started to have trouble remembering which stores she was boycotting at any given time.

Tapping her experience as an engineering contractor for NASA, Tipton repurposed an advanced algorithm used to keep track of space flight payloads and wind stress data to help her keep track of the various establishments she adamantly refuses to give her hard-earned money to.

"I just punch in something like 'wheat bread,' and the algorithm will detect which stores within a 30-mile radius I haven't decided to scorn with a blistering boycott, if there are any," Tipton told reporters as she demonstrated the capabilities of the program on her laptop. "The application will also notify me if a store changes its position due to my militant efforts, so I can begin shopping there again."

On Tuesday morning, NASA issued a statement that while they appreciate Tipton's ingenuity and moral convictions, they were not officially involved in the development of the program. In response, Tipton announced that she was beginning a boycott of NASA.

The mother of three also revealed that she was working with a mobile development company to get her complex equations and algorithms reworked into a consumer-level app, so tech-savvy activists would be able to track which businesses they're boycotting on the go.

"We are hopeful that the app will be ready by the holiday season," she noted. "Unless, of course, I am forced to boycott my development company for any reason."

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.