Local Woman Excommunicated From Church After Bringing Kale Chips To Potluck
Church

ST. ANNE, IL—As often as possible, the congregation of Calvary Baptist Church in St. Anne, IL gets together for a potluck supper in the church’s basement. The Sunday afternoon affair is a highlight for many of the faithful church members in the farming community. However, a recent gathering moved from feasting and fellowship to a time of church discipline after Rose Marie Baker, a longtime member of the church, brought a batch of homemade kale chips to the meal. According to the church’s bylaws, kale, also referred to as “the devil’s lettuce,” is strictly forbidden at any church functions and personal consumption of the plant is discouraged.

Upon seeing the chips, deaconess Charlotte Mitchell fainted from shock and collapsed on the dessert table, knocking a pan of brownies and a plate of chocolate chip cookies to the floor. The incident was immediately reported to the church leadership.

“We’re just trying to have a good time of godly fellowship, and she waltzes in with this abomination,” said deacon board chairman Arnold Gillespie of Baker and the kale chips. “Satan will try all kinds of ways to get a foot in the door.”

Baker defended her decision, claiming she was attempting to provide a “healthier option,” but the church took an immediate, unanimous vote to remove her from membership and prohibit her from any future church functions.

Deaconess Mitchell was treated for minor bumps and bruises and is expected to fully recover. Most of the brownies and cookies were salvaged from the fall and were able to be enjoyed.

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