BOISE, ID—Local account manager and “missionary dating” veteran Harrison Clark, 32, reported that he is confident that his next attempt to “date a hot chick right into the Kingdom” will ultimately be fruitful and yield a convert, after 16 consecutive failed attempts.
While most people would be discouraged or might seek a different method of sharing their faith after such a lack of success, Clark is not swayed, confirming to sources that he will “stay the course” and “date as many attractive women with relaxed sexual morals as possible” until he is successful at convincing one to give her life to Christ.
“I’m sure this is the one that’s going to work—this next one, I can feel it,” he told sources Thursday morning over coffee as he flipped through his Tinder app. “Sure, I’m batting .000 right now, but I’ve had some experiences with these ladies that I’ll never—ever—forget. So I’ll always have that. And plus, this next one, I’m telling you, this next one is going to ask me why I’m different than all the other guys she’s dated, and then I’m going to tell her all about Jesus . . .”
“Oh man, look at her,” he added, stopping on a picture of a young lady on his phone. “Hoo boy.”