WOOSTER, OH — With egg prices soaring to historic highs, multi-billionaire Elon Musk has been dethroned as world's richest after local farmer Old Man Hopkins reported that his New Hampshire Red — who he had named "Hen" — had surpassed Musk in net worth.
"Bok bok," said the hen in response to the news of her newly-laid riches.
"Cluck, cluck, cluck," continued the hen to a horde of finance journalists who had swarmed Old Man Hopkins' farm in hopes of getting a sound bite from the world's wealthiest animal, which they, in fact, did. "Bok, bok, bu-GAWK!"
With that final "bu-gawk," the hen then laid another golden capsule of vast riches, thus earning the prosperous poultry a total net worth surpassing the GDP of Botswana, Uruguay, Mongolia, and Indonesia combined.
Old Man Hopkins admitted owning the affluent fowl was not easy, recounting that just this morning he had already turned away dozens of crypto entrepreneurs, big brands looking for endorsements, and Elizabeth Warren carrying a satchel for collecting taxes. He added that the hen now had a security detail 24/7.
"But I gotta say, wealth has its perks," said Hopkins as he hopped in his Bugatti tractor and began plowing the field for spring planting.
At publishing time, a visibly envious Elon Musk had reportedly begun repurposing all Tesla factories into massive chicken coops.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
