CARSON, CA—The Peters family was planning on attending the church service they go to once a year but was outraged to learn their occasional Christianity has been outlawed by the government.
The family that attends church once every year out of some kind of cultural obligation or sense of tradition suddenly cared about their constitutional freedom of religion.
"The government can't ban me from giving token lip service to God once a year! This is outrageous!" said George Peters. "The right to worship includes the right to be nominally Christian every Christmas!"
His wife, who doesn't really believe in God in any meaningful sense, was similarly outraged. "Look, we go to church to get dressed up and take cute pictures in front of the Christmas tree display. And the kids like holding the candles on Christmas Eve. Sure, we don't actually really believe in this Jesus guy at all, but we have the right to be lukewarm Christians according to the Constitution."
At publishing time, the Peters family was considering going to church this Easter too just to stick it to the government.