HUNTSVILLE, AL — Local family physician Dr. Baines waited in rapt anticipation today to learn what plethora of diseases his patient Mrs. Lamb had diagnosed herself with via WebMD.
"So according to WebMD, you have seventeen different types of cancer and there's a toad living in your spleen? Wow, tell me more!" said Dr. Baines. "Yes, I'm sure we can also test for an incredibly rare disease only found among cannibals in New Zealand."
While initially resistant to the phenomenon, Dr. Baines has come to embrace the joys of WebMD. "I've actually learned a ton from patients educating me about all these bizarre conditions," said Dr. Baines. "It helps me stay up to date with my knowledge base. Just yesterday, a patient informed me that his mild fatigue was probably due to a parasite called Echinococcosis Multilocularis making its home in his liver. Now granted, he would have had to go into the woods and made out with a red fox to actually have contracted that disease, but it was a good refresher for me."
At publishing time, a patient had asked Dr. Baines what sort of rash was on his face, prompting Dr. Baines to scurry out of the exam room to look it up on WebMD.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
