LAFAYETTE, LA—A local Chick-fil-A manager has declared his restaurant to be a "sanctuary space" for undocumented immigrant cows in the city.
The manager says he will refuse to turn any loose cows over to their owners, defying state law.
"These cows have nowhere to turn," he said. "Hateful McDonald's and Burger King butchers want to send them back to their homes where they'll be processed for meat, but we refuse to participate in that kind of bigotry."
Cows were seen crossing streets, dodging traffic, and bursting through the restaurant's glass windows to evade capture. The restaurant offered them high starting pay for a job at the drive-thru window, while several were asked to pose as playground equipment for the little ones. Four of the cows even formed a gospel quartet and were heard mooing renditions of popular worship songs.
"Really, it's no problem," the manager told the press. "It's my pleasure."
The Chick-fil-A has not declared sanctuary for chickens as of yet.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.