U.S.—The American left has announced a new exciting way to express its care and compassion for disenfranchised and oppressed groups: screaming at people in restaurants.
Recently, Ted Cruz and his wife were shouted at and chased from a restaurant near the Capitol in a demonstration of love and concern. "We just hate Ted Cruz so much; it was great," explained activist Anthony Walton. "Hate him because of... some policy or something towards... um... gays maybe. No, wait; this was about Kavanaugh and how Cruz... uh... something about that, which we're really concerned about. And because we care so much, we need to scream at him and chase him away, which is awesome!"
The left's previous attempts at compassion have involved such things as wearing black masks, punching people, and using mobs for intimidation. Yelling at people while they're trying to eat is a newer way for them to show they care, and they hope it's just as effective.
"I just hate these people so much I want to hurt them!" yelled Antifa member Traci Waters. "When you care intensely, you hate even more intensely. And I, and the others screaming at people in restaurants, really care about... um... all the groups you're supposed to care about."
It's uncertain how else the left may end up displaying their care and compassion, but police are readying riot gear.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.