U.S.—Liberals, who had been praying for the death of Trump, suddenly reversed course and began desperately begging the Lord to heal Trump after they realized Mike Pence is next in line for the presidency.
"God, I know I don't believe in You, but please save Donald Trump so Mike Pence won't become president and institute The Handmaid's Tale," wailed a woman in Portland as she faced Washington, D.C. for her customary morning prayers. "Please, Great Spirit, or goddess, or whoever you are -- save us!"
"At first I was really excited when I learned my political opponent might die," said the woman from the party of love and tolerance. "But then I realized we are one heartbeat away from Mike Pence taking over and forcing us all to have babies and executing anyone who doesn't worship the Lord Jesus Christ."
When asked whether or not he would immediately turn the United States into a theocracy, Pence simply smiled and said, "Under his eye."