ST. LOUIS, MO—Local liberal Joe Bailey has for years enjoyed cheering on his son Brandon at his Little League soccer games, but lately that has proven difficult, since his cheering typically involves shouting the insurrectionist chant "Let's Go Brandon" from the stands.
"I try to be so careful, but every so often in the excitement, I let slip a ‘Let’s go Brandon!’" said Bailey. "Then all the parents join in chanting, the game devolves into fits of laughter, and all the Trump supporters are trying to give me a high-five. It’s horrible!"
According to sources, Mr. Bailey has thought about changing his son's name to something like "Bandleigh" or "Braidlynio" to make things a bit easier.
"Woooo!" said Bailey as his son made a great play, trying desperately to avoid using the dreaded phrase. "Let's go... bud! Well played! Positive reinforcement!"
Just then, Brandon scored a goal, causing his dad to jump to his feet and involuntarily scream "LET'S GO BRANDON!", causing the entire crowd to join in.
Joe Bailey is now on 12 FBI watch lists.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.