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Christian Living
Lent Officially Reduced To More Manageable 40 Seconds

U.S.—In an ecumenical move to keep the Lent season much more palatable and achievable for the average observer, a coalition of Protestant denominations and the Catholic Church have agreed to reduce the Lent season to a much more reasonable 40 seconds.

"We found that with all the commitments people have nowadays, 40 days was just way too much to ask," said one Lutheran pastor at a special conference convened to debate the new resolution. "40 seconds seems like it's much more achievable for all involved."

People making commitments to abstain from certain activities will now just have to hold out for close to a minute.

The move has been widely praised among those who observe Lent. "I vowed to give up Instagram," said one Anglican woman in Massachusets. "But for, like 40 days? Are you serious? So when I heard I could give it up for about half a minute, I jumped all over that. I can usually manage that, like when my phone dies and I rush to a charger to get it powered up again. That's about 40 seconds, so I can deal."

At publishing time, the period of time had been further reduced to 40 milliseconds.

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