LEAKED: Biden's 8-Part Plan To Improve His Falling Poll Numbers
Politics · Aug 2, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

Biden's poll numbers are dropping, and the White House is scrambling for ways to get his approval rating up. 

The Babylon Bee's top-secret anonymous source inside the White House, codenamed Ben Pjaki, has just leaked us Biden's 8-part plan for winning over the American people once again.

Here it is:

1) Start sniffing women's hair again: For some reason, his poll numbers were a little better when he was doing that. Worth a shot!

2) Launch Kamala Harris into the Sun: People really, really seem to like this idea for some reason.

3) Invade something: Invading another country is always good for a 10-point jump. Maybe we can invade Canada. They've always had it coming. 

4) Go back to his roots by hiding in a basement for another 6 months: Biden was never more popular than when he spent an entire year in a basement! And then he received a record number of votes! Who can argue with that kind of popularity?

5) Launch Kamala Harris into the Sun: Wait-- did we say that one already? Huh. 

6) Get a spray tan and wear an orange wig: Imitating the greatest, smartest, most popular president of all time? Winning move! 

7) Send Dr. Fauci to another galaxy so he can spread his pandemic wisdom with other planets: Or if that's too hard, maybe just the Sun again. 

8) Fire everyone he's ever appointed and shut down all Federal agencies: This one's a no-brainer and we're not sure what Biden's waiting for here. Come on, man! This is no joke!


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