NEW YORK, NY—One of America’s preeminent late-night talk show hosts awoke this morning to the startling realization that he has said nothing funny since prior to the 2016 election.
The host, who prefers not to be identified by name for this article but agreed to be referred to as "a middle-aged white guy who used to be funny," said, “Yeah, so I had this dream about doing the show and making a joke and the audience laughing, and then I woke up and realized that hasn’t actually happened in, like, five years.” A distressed look crossed his face as he continued, “For four years of Trump, I would basically stand on stage and say some variation of ‘Wow, how bad is Trump?’ and the audience would cheer and applaud, which sure felt validating, but I now realize isn’t exactly the same as laughter. And with Trump gone, we try to do ‘Wow, how bad was Trump?’ bits and alternate them with, ‘Hey, how great is Biden?’ but suddenly that’s become tricky.”
He went on to ponder a future in which he might have to figure out how to actually be funny again, expressing concern that he may have forgotten how to do so. “Of course, I could always go overseas and entertain the Taliban. I’m pretty sure my ‘Hey, how great is Biden?’ material would play like gangbusters there,” he said hopefully.
At publishing time, a Babylon Bee writer suddenly realized he hadn't told a funny joke since Adam Ford sold the site to Seth Dillon, who immediately drove the site into the ground.