BURBANK, CA — Local mother of three Claire von Vanvaughn has reportedly had it "up to here" with her children. Their indiscriminate refusal to clean up after themselves seems to have forced the exhausted mother to threaten that, if they continue ignoring her demands, so help her, she will clean the rooms herself.
"This is the last time I'm going to tell you," said von Vanvaughn while folding the laundry that her offspring had been asked numerous times to fold. "If I have to go in there and pick up your toys and dirty underwear I'm going to be very, very upset until I move on to doing something else I asked you to do."
Mrs. von Vanvaughn was, in fact, upset for 47 seconds while cleaning their rooms.
As she cleaned, sources say her children demanded to know why lunch wasn't ready yet, telling the woman who had journeyed through the valley of death to bring them into this world that if she made lunch they would promise to eat it and then not eat it.
At publishing time, Claire von Vanvaughn had threatened her teenage son that if he did not put his phone down and interact like a normal member of the family then, so help her, she would get him a new phone for Christmas.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
