WARREN, MI – Sparkling beverage brand LaCroix announced the coming of a “new taste” that will “rock the industry” during last month’s soda expo: The all-new orange juice toothpaste essenced LaCroix.
According to data gathered by analytics firm BluePrint, a majority of the sparkling beverage’s sales come from accidental purchases. “When they discover the product's complete lack of flavor, surveys show that most families will keep the rest of the cans on hand to pawn off on unwitting guests at a later date who also have no idea what they are getting themselves into," said BluePrint Survey specialist Lucy Harper.
"We're confident this new flavor will change all that," said LaCroix president Dan Luby at his press conference for the new drink. "It's a new twist. Unlike anything else currently on the fizzy drinks market." Luby then cracked open and sipped a can of orange juice toothpaste LaCroix then quickly fought back the urge to gag. He then offered the partially sipped soda to someone, anyone else as the crowd nervously backed away. "It's good for you!" he shrieked at the crowd.
Orange Juice Toothpaste Essenced LaCroix will hit store shelves on the 29th of April and will include a free toothbrush in every twelve-pack.
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