PYONGYANG—Multiple sources were confirming Monday that North Korean President Kim Jong Un had specifically requested that the upcoming historic peace talks take place inside a Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant location within the United States.
The dictator stated he had never gotten the chance to visit a Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant as a kid, but had heard rumors of its wide variety of coin-op games, microwaved pizza, and singing animatronic animal band. Kim Jong Un was able to visit and survey several potential Chuck E. Cheese sites, and had reportedly narrowed down the options to either Tampa, Cleveland, or a particularly seedy location in Fresno.
“I am told this fantastical capitalist wonderland is where a kid can be a kid,” an excited Kim Jong Un said, according to a source close to the brutal dictator.
“Everyone who attends the summit will receive 50 tokens, 200 bonus tickets, and a slice of pizza,” a spokesperson for North Korea said in an interview. “And the Chuck E. Cheese manager told us he needs a head count by Saturday, so please RSVP so we can make sure to reserve one of the big tables in the birthday party area.”
If Kim Jong Un gets his way, he’ll have a front-row seat for Munch’s Make Believe Band’s exciting performance, so that the North Korean president can enjoy the exciting performance of songs like “Happy Birthday” and a cover of “Party Rock Anthem.”
At publishing time, the summit was pushed back to the summer, as area families had Kim Jong Un’s chosen locations booked solid for birthday parties.