MILES CITY, MT — Three local children reportedly called on their father to please stop referring to them as the fruit of his loins, citing untold embarrassment.
According to sources, local father Teddy Neilson had been calling his progeny the fruit of his loins for several years without incident until one day his children snapped and begged him to stop.
"He came to me and said we needed to have a serious talk," Neilson said, recalling the moment his ten-year-old son approached him. "Of course, I didn't know what was wrong, so I said to him, 'What is it, fruit of my loins?' But it turns out that was the problem."
Neilson claimed to have had no idea it bothered them so much. "I'm proud to be the fruit of my father's loins. I don't know what the problem is," he said.
His children, however, ten-year-old Eddie, eight-year-old Samantha, and even four-year-old Tommy, were united against him, insisting he couldn't call them that anymore, even if it was "an old Bible saying."
"I just want us to be normal," Eddie Nielson said. "My best friend's parents don't call him the fruit of their loins; they just call him Matt."
At publishing time, Neilson offered to give his children anything "up to half his household" if they would only allow him to refer to them as the fruit of his loins. But they refused.
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