WASHINGTON, D.C. — Members of the media were left confused today after White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre deployed a smoke bomb on the ground and disappeared in a cloud when questioned about Hunter Biden's incriminating text messages with a Chinese Communist operative.
"She completely vanished!" said Peter Doocy of Fox News. "I was right in the middle of asking her a question about Hunter trying to strong-arm a member of the Chinese Communist Party on a deal involving Joe Biden. She threw something on the ground, the room filled with smoke, and swooshed her sport coat across her face like a cape as she disappeared. Once the smoke finally cleared, she wasn't anywhere to be found. It's her most creative escape yet, to be honest."
Jean-Pierre, who is a historic figure and a woman and black and gay, has struggled in recent days to make it through heavy questioning about Hunter Biden's backroom business dealings. "She's running out of ideas for ducking questions," said a source within the White House. "She already ignored questions to give a sales presentation for essential oils. The next day, she brought a cute little puppy out from behind the podium as soon as a question was asked about Hunter. Now, it's the Batman smoke bomb thing. We're wondering what she'll come up with next."
At publishing time, Jean-Pierre had reportedly met with President Biden and his handlers to ask how difficult it would be to find another missing submersible they could implode.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
