U.S. — After making antisemitic comments in several interviews, Kanye West has lost several key sponsors, including Adidas. Now, it seems, he has hit rock bottom as authorities confirmed he has been incinerated by the Jewish Space Laser.
"Ballistic and forensic fire analysis has identified the origins of this attack with one of the state-of-the-art space lasers owned by the Rothschild family," said Malibu Police Chief Russell Lee during a press conference in front of a smoking crater where Kanye West once stood. "I will be taking no questions from all the Rothschild-controlled media at this time."
Sources say Chief Lee then spontaneously exploded into a ball of fire.
Mr. West had become increasingly belligerent in interviews, challenging "Jewish businessmen" to "come and get me." When warned about the dangers of who he was provoking, West was quoted as rebutting with "You can't tell me nothing" and asking "how could you be so heartless?"
West is survived by his 4 children and millions of white evangelical fans. His death has been ruled a suicide.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
