U.S.—Kamala Harris, California’s most famous cop, is reportedly watching her campaign completely unravel; she is plunging in the polls, and her aides are resigning. Unable to find anyone to work for her (and anyone she can afford), Harris has turned to something she has always relied on in the past: prison labor.
“Using prison labor just shows how resourceful I am,” Harris said as she monitored a man in an orange jumpsuit and shackles stuffing envelopes. “Prison labor is great. It’s like slave labor in that they have no choice, but legal!”
Many of those working for Harris despise her -- which makes it similar to her previous situation -- but now they are unable to resign. “If you didn’t want to work on my campaign,” Harris said in a pep talk, “you shouldn’t have smoked marijuana.”
Harris has received criticism from other Democrats for her new campaign structure, especially Joe Biden when he recognized Harris's new chief strategist. “Corn Pop! Is that you?” Biden exclaimed.
“Oh yeah, Corn Pop has been great,” Harris told the press. “Unfortunately he’s up for parole soon.” She then lowered her voice and smiled. “I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”