SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Kamala Harris, the nation’s most famous cop, has been demoted to meter maid in reaction to her failed presidential campaign.
As soon as she dropped out of the presidential race, she was called into the office of her police chief. “I’m going to need your gun and badge,” her chief said before handing her the smaller gun and lesser badge of a meter maid.
“But how am I supposed to bust the real scumbags out there?” Harris was heard arguing. “Like the mothers who let their kids be truant and people who smoke marijuana? Someone needs to be out there arresting those people, putting them in prison, and throwing away the key!”
“You should have thought of that before you embarrassed us,” said her chief. “You got kicked around by Tulsi Gabbard! And you call yourself a cop!”
Harris is said to now be cheering herself up the only way she knows how: abusing her power -- though currently, that’s limited to aggressively handing out parking tickets.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.