U.S. — Victims of child sex trafficking are reportedly disheartened by the extra attention they've been getting since the theatrical release of Sound of Freedom. Sources say the film has prompted visits by members of the nation's media who, instead of showing support, inform them they are merely unhinged QAnon conspiracies.
"Rest easy, little girl," reporter Richard James explained to 7-year-old Maria Gomez. "You don't even exist."
The children, who actually do exist, have thus far failed to correct the now-popular narrative that they exist solely as imagined nightmares floating in a sea of deranged MAGA minds. "I don't understand! We're here! We're literally slaves!" said one child before her microphone was cut off to protect the public from believing dangerous conspiracy theories.
"We're going to expose these QAnon followers who keep pretending child sex trafficking is a very real and prevalent problem," reported CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. "Those monsters."
To date, no one has been able to explain where the traumatized children filling up shelters keep coming from.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
