KENOSHA, WI - Journalists across the country rushed to cover a hot, breaking story this week before the facts could come to light and possibly ruin the entire thing.
"This is a powerful narrative. Just the kind of story we want to tell! But we have to get this out before the facts come out! Hurry! The facts are closing in!" screamed a CNN reporter as he jumped in his news van to rush over to the site of the incident.
The CNN crew worked faster than ever before, but it was not enough. By the time they completed the story, a bunch of evil facts had made their way onto Twitter, completely messing up the awesome black and white narrative CNN wanted to tell.
"NOOOOOO! Not the facts! It's always the facts. CURSE YOU, FACTS!" the reporter cried while shaking a clenched fist.
Fortunately, CNN's producers still green-lighted the story, which was just too good to pass up. After a mob of hateful facts forced a retraction, CNN just sold the story to Hollywood. Win-win!