John The Baptist Invited To Speak At World Economic Forum On Benefits Of Eating Locusts
World · Jan 17, 2023 ·

DAVOS — World Economic Forum President Børge Brende personally invited John the Baptist to speak at their annual meeting Tuesday after uncovering his propensity for eating disgusting bugs and owning nothing while being happy. The unkempt prophet, who arrived dressed in camel's hair, was the key speaker in a discussion about the benefits of eating locusts.

"They taste great with honey," said the voice of one crying in the wilderness. "It's really not as gross as you'd think. It's pure protein!"

Members of the elite applauded the prophet of the living God despite their intention to never eat any locusts themselves.

"This will be a great way to save the world from peasants," said WEF founder and executive chairman Klaus Schwab. "Now we will have an exclusive claim on Omaha Steaks. Yum!"

Though initially well received, the speech quickly soured after the prophet of the living God began calling the audience to repentance. "REPENT from your sins and be baptized in the Holy Spirit! The kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Flee from the wrath to come!"

"Boo!" cried European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen. "Boooo! We are perfect!"

"You brood of vipers!" John said. "Do not think to say to yourselves, 'I am elite.' For I say to you that God is able to raise up the elite from these stones!"

At publishing time, Bill Gates had reportedly demanded John the Baptist's head on a silver platter.

Babylon Bee subscriber Zackary Russell contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

Grisham Public Library in Fallbrook, California is making waves with its fun, inclusive Satan story hour.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction


There are 113 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.