HOUSTON, TX - After Joel Osteen took a Bible verse out of context for the fifth time during his Sunday morning service, pastor John MacArthur reportedly launched himself out of his hidden perch in the rafters of Lakewood Church and elbow dropped the prosperity gospel preacher, knocking him out cold.

"God wants to give you a future and a hope, isn't that encouraging?" Osteen preached several minutes into his message. "This means that if you're struggling with finances, the Lord wants to bless you with a new home, new car, or a promotion, you can be sure. In fact - "

But Osteen wouldn't be able to finish his sentence, as MacArthur couldn't take it anymore and hurled himself from his hiding place, screaming, "Discern this, you wretched scoundrel!" as the shocked audience looked on.

MacArthur expertly stretched himself into impeccable elbow drop form and rocketed toward a paralyzed Osteen, who was seemingly frozen from confusion at the sudden outburst from above. Seconds later, the Los Angeles preacher's elbow had crashed right into the Houston pastor's head, sending him crumpling to the floor, unconscious.

According to stunned witnesses, John MacArthur then dusted himself off and began preaching on Romans chapter 9 to the tens of thousands of people gathered at Lakewood Church.