SUN VALLEY, CA—John MacArthur called down fire from the heavens this morning to consume the high priests and prophets who follow pagan cult leader Gavin Newsom in the heathen, Gentile land of California.
MacArthur challenged the prophets, who had shown up at his church to shut down his service this morning. He suggested they built a wooden altar and see whose God was powerful enough to light it up.
"Well, we'll have to check the fire code first, and it might contribute to climate change, but OK. Let's do it," replied the prophets.
The prophets danced around their fire, calling on all the gods of California, including Moloch, Beelzebub, Lady Gaga, and Gavin Newsom himself, to send a little fire their way. Despite the hills of California currently being on fire anyway all around them, not a single lick of flame came from the skies.
"Perhaps your god is using the restroom, or maybe he got COVID-19," MacArthur quipped. "Guess he should have worn a mask and social-distanced."
Finally, MacArthur ordered the altar to be doused seven times and then calmly opened his Bible to preach a 90-minute message out of Romans 1:1a. As he preached the Word of God to the congregation, the heavens opened up and torched the altar, consuming all the prophets of Newsom with it. The church then held a barbecue.
MacArthur's faith is reportedly shaken from seeing the modern-day miracle.