John Bolton Hired As National Security Advisor Of The Galactic Empire
Politics · Sep 10, 2019 ·

MAW INSTALLATION - Shortly after being ousted as the National Security Advisor of the United States, John Bolton found work more suited to his position on war, as the NSA of the Galactic Empire.

"The Empire gets it," he said. "While Trump and I often clashed on foreign policy, I fit in a lot better with these guys." He then punched Darth Vader in the arm in a friendly gesture. "Good ol' Darth!" Vader then tried to force-choke him but was scolded by the Emperor. Things got tense for a bit, but the trio blew off some steam by bombarding a planet with some Star Destroyers. "Look at those dumb Wookiees run around! They have nowhere to go!" Bolton said. But then he punched Vader in the arm again and the whole situation repeated itself.

"These guys have a friggin' Death Star!" Bolton said excitedly. "It's like a nuke but for a whole planet! Back in America we only had a few thousand nukes and they only hit, like, a city. And Trump wouldn't ever let me use them. These guys use the Death Star to blow up random planets just to demonstrate their power! Oh man, I think this may be the best job I've ever had."

At publishing time, Bolton had been fired after Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine began to grow concerned with his saber-rattling approach to galactic war.

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