Politics
'I Have Never Treated A Woman Inappropriately,' Joe Biden Whispers Into Journalist's Ear

NEW YORK, NY—During an interview with Mika Brzezinski on MSNBC this morning, Joe Biden denied Tara Reade's sexual assault allegations against him, whispering his adamant denials into the journalist's ear.

Biden was supposed to join the interview remotely but somehow got away from his handlers and got into MSNBC's studios, sneaking up behind the Morning Joe host and whispering into her ear for the duration of the interview.

"Listen, honey, I respect women," Biden assured Brzezinski while rubbing her shoulders and inching his nose closer to her hair. "Whether it's an intern or a real classy broad like you, I want to honor women's personal space and give them room to tell their stories."

He then breathed deep, taking in a good sniff. "What's that shampoo? Wait -- don't tell me -- it's Matrix Biolage! I've got a knack for this kind of thing."

Aides were finally able to coax Biden away from her with a special, scented mannequin they keep on hand for just such an occasion.

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