LOS ANGELES, CA — According to inside sources, comedian Jimmy Kimmel is currently running tonight's Jimmy Kimmel Live! jokes by CCP President Xi for approval, as is his daily custom.
"We have a tremendous round of hilarious jokes for you, O Most Excellent Xi," a nervous Kimmel was overheard saying. "Tonight, I'm going to tell a good one about how President Trump smells like poop. And then I'll tell unvaccinated people to die! Funny, right?"
"Ha Ha Ha. Yes, Jimmy. Velly funny," Xi replied.
Sources say the leader of China benevolently approved all Kimmel's jokes but required him to add at least one hilarious quip about how anyone who says COVID came from the Wuhan lab is a vile racist who should be sent to a Chinese concentration camp.
"Oh, that is a hilarious one, Your Worship!" exclaimed the beloved late-night host. "We will add it to our show right away! Thank you for your most valuable feedback, O Handsome One Who Looks Nothing Like Winnie The Pooh!"
At publishing time, Kimmel had been seen running the remainder of his show by several Pfizer execs.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
