CALIFORNIA — In a groundbreaking announcement, Californians have declared the discovery of a strange new season they're calling "winter."
According to local experts, winter is a time when temperatures drop, precipitation falls as snow or rain, and days are shorter. While Californians already knew about seasons such as "summer", "the slightly cooler time after summer", and "the few months leading up to summer", this new season is "unprecedented."
"We were just hanging out, enjoying our usual 70-degree December days, when suddenly it started getting cold," said San Francisco resident, Sarah Johnson. "At first, we thought it was just a weird glitch in the weather app, but then we saw snow falling from the sky! It was crazy."
The discovery of winter has left many Californians feeling confused and disoriented. "I don't understand why anyone would want to live in a place where this kind of thing happens," said Los Angeles resident, Mark Hernandez. "It's really harshing my mellow. I had to go buy shoes! SHOES!"
At publishing time, Californians had begun growing concerned for their well-being as the rain accompanying this strange new season seemed to be lasting 40 days and 40 nights.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
