WASHINGTON, D.C.—Jim Acosta was late again for President Trump's press conference today after he stared at himself lovingly in the mirror for a full three hours.
A breathless Acosta ran into the press conference a few minutes after it started, sheepishly whispering to his colleagues that he lost track of time during his morning stare-at-Jim-Acosta ritual.
"I usually get up early enough to stare at myself for a couple hours at least, but I was running behind," he told reporters later. "Then I just kept looking into my eyes and thinking about how brave and powerful and smart I am, and I just lost track of... man, I really am courageous aren't I? Wait, what was I talking about again?"
At publishing time, Acosta was spotted staring at himself in a really shiny store window for nearly an hour.