CANA — New research has suggested that the famous miracle of the water turned into wine at the wedding at Cana may have been undone soon thereafter, as Jesus witnessed guests doing the Electric Slide.
A scroll fragment dating to the first century that was discovered around the traditional site of the famous wedding suggests Jesus reverted the wine back into water to prevent guests from further embarrassing themselves.
"It would appear that when more wine was injected into the festivities that some guests got a bit nuts, which is weird because it was likely new wine and would be difficult to get plastered with," said Biblical scholar Dr. Raheem Douli. "But humans really do try to make a muck of all our gifts, even going so far as to do the Electric Slide."
"Nobody wants to see that," he added. "Especially in first-century Galilee."
It's not currently known if the text fragment is a previously missing section of the gospel of John or possibly from a separate apocryphal work. Regardless, it does provide important context that the Electric Slide was alive and well in the time of Jesus, and most certainly frowned upon as it is today.
"It must be stressed, however, that if the text is authentic, this is not evidence of Jesus having made a mistake," Dr. Douli said. "Clearly, the wine was good for a time, but there's always a cut-off period when the Electric Slide comes out, lest people become debased and give themselves over to the Chicken Dance."
At publishing time, lending further credence to the discovery, a 2nd-Century mosaic depicting Jesus turning wine into water as wedding guests did the Electric Slide was found at a nearby dig site.
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