WASHINGTON, D.C. — Jen Psaki has started her first day at a completely new job where she will be doing the exact same thing she's always done by acting as a mouthpiece for the Biden Administration. Psaki says she's excited to try something new while also changing nothing at all.
"I just have butterflies in my stomach. It's all so new and different here," said Jen Psaki walking into the MSNBC offices. "I feel like I don't know what to say, I guess I'll just do what I always do and spin the news to run cover for Democrats. That's what I was hired for, right?"
According to sources, all of Jen Psaki's onboarding training designated for new hires was waived for her. MSNBC staff agreed there was nothing left that they had to show her, as she had already proven herself skilled at blandly delivering Democrat talking points from a notebook as White House Press Secretary.
Jen said that she was pleased she didn't even have to change out her badge. She just scanned her same badge from when she was White House Press secretary and walked right in and got right to work. "I will have to get used to mindlessly reading from a teleprompter instead of mindlessly reading from a 3-ring binder, but I am excited that I don't have to worry about my hair getting sniffed constantly!" said Psaki.
At publishing time, Jen grew a little nervous speaking from behind the newsdesk for the first time, but then she took a deep breath and just imagined that the newsdesk was a podium instead.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: