WASHINGTON, D.C. — U.S. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen stepped forward on Tuesday to assure the American people that President Joe Biden's dementia is only a transitory issue that will likely resolve itself as election-related bottlenecks begin to clear.
While she did not specify a timeline for when Biden's mental capacity would recover to a normal human functioning level, Yellen was confident in her testimony that the president's ongoing struggles with memory, speech, continence, and basic everyday tasks were merely a short-term issue.
"To be quite honest, any difficulties the president is facing right now — and I'm not sure I'm quite prepared to use the term 'dementia' yet — will almost certainly prove to be transitory and fleeting," Yellen said. "As we go forward into this election season, I have every confidence that President Biden's mental abilities will show a dramatic turnaround in the very near future. Maybe. At some point. Probably."
Yellen's statement was endorsed by several White House insiders, including Jill Biden, Hunter Biden, Ashley Biden, James Biden, and Valerie Biden Owens. The President himself declined to comment by refusing to blink either once for "yes" or twice for "no."
At publishing time, Yellen acknowledged that her testimony "might be incomplete" and warned that Biden's dementia levels were likely to stay high unless they didn't.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
