U.S. — The January 6th Committee aired its final hearing last night revealing the shocking, disturbing truth that the January 6th hearings were still happening.
"Wait, what? Those were still going on? I'm shocked," said local independent voter Jimp Thornfetch. "What were those about again? I can't remember. Gas prices or Putin or something? Eh, whatever."
Surveys indicate that 99.99% of the country didn't bother to watch the riveting and tearful speeches of representatives like Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney, and the remaining 00.01% were Adam Kinzinger and Liz Cheney watching re-runs of themselves on YouTube every night as well as Don Lemon.
"The January 6th hearings have revealed startling truths about our democracy," said center-right voter Bubba Fitzgerald, "that these politicians we're paying don't really have much worthwhile to do with their time. Too bad!"
Democrats are hoping to draw in more viewers with their upcoming sequel hearing about Trump's troubling Diet Coke habit.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
